The Goal of Loving Well vs The Goal of a Better Relationship
Most of us have been taught that it’s a good thing to have a goal of a better relationship … and it is. It’s an admirable goal and something we should absolutely desire.
However, I’ve discovered that the goal of a better relationship doesn’t always serve us well. If your efforts to improve your relationship aren’t helping, you’re left staring at a goal that can feel out of reach. That often leads to feeling discouraged and defeated.
When those feelings set in, it’s natural to stop trying. (I see this a lot.) After all, if the work isn’t working, why bother working? We tell ourselves we might as well not get our hopes up. We protect our hearts, conserve our energy, and find other ways to cope.
But if you put less effort into your relationship, what evidence are you showing your partner? How will things ever improve? Oftentimes, the things you do (or don’t do) to protect yourself, send a message to your partner that you care less about them than you really do.
The Goal of a Better Relationship
(Can sometimes distract, discourage, & defeat)
You can only control 50% of your goal.
When you don’t have complete control of your goal, sometimes it can feel like you’re playing a game you can’t win … and it can tempt you to try to control what you cannot control, which leads to frustration.
If your relationship isn’t where you want it to be, this path is filled with DISTRACTION (by what your partner said or did—this leads to not loving your best), DISCOURAGEMENT (when things aren’t going well), and DEFEAT (if your efforts to improve the relationship aren’t helping).
With no positive outlet for the negative thoughts, this often leads to feelings of frustration and bitterness (or it spills out in a negative fashion).
All of this usually leads to trying less, which means you start presenting less positive evidence (and more negative evidence) to your partner. It’s clear this is not a recipe for moving closer together.
The Goal to Love Well
(Sets you up for success)
Your success is determined 100% by you. This means it’s more practical, sustainable, and ultimately, beneficial.
When your goal is to love well each day, you put yourself on a path filled with unexpected REWARDS that FUEL and STRENGTHEN you, regardless of the state of your relationship. These personal rewards will appear and LIFT YOU UP when you need them most, like an unmarked hydration station on a marathon route.
It gives you a greater SENSE OF PURPOSE that can help you in challenging moments (and a positive outlet for negative energy).
At the end of the day, you can feel a sense of ACCOMPLISHMENT if you loved well (even if your relationship had some challenges). You’ll have PEACE OF MIND in knowing you did your best. Your CONFIDENCE will grow as you stack SUCCESSFUL days together and you’ll see the AGENCY you have in your relationship.
You get to start each morning with a clean slate and no excuses to keep you from reaching your goal to love well that day.
All of this allows you to continue to love better, which gives greater HOPE for your relationship and for you as an individual.
Like an unmarked hydration station on a marathon route, the personal rewards of loving well will appear and lift you up when you need them most, regardless of the state of your relationship.
The shift from wanting a better relationship to setting a goal to love well each day can make a world of difference in your life.
Is Relationship Coaching for you?
I'd love to help you achieve your goal of loving well as your personal relationship coach. Click the link below to schedule an initial strategy call at no cost.
Gift Certificates Available
Interested in giving a loved one a gift certificate for relationship coaching? Certificates may be used online, on the golf course, or on the hiking trail. Send us a note and we'll call you to discuss options.
Note: The certificate can be from you or given anonymously.